NO, NOT NOW.
I have a 2 month old German Shepard dog called ‘Schatzi’. My brother named ‘her’ right before he went for a retreat. While he was away, my mother and I discovered that the puppy was male and not female as we previously thought. I cook for him everyday at around 5:00PM and I try to train him. “Schatzi, sit!”
I can hear myself repeating these words and running after the energetic dog all over our compound. By the time I got her to understand what ‘sit’ meant, I had met a guy, fallen in love and had been dumped. Schatzi still doesn’t obey me. However, he eats everything I put on his plate and he even says thank you.
I never used to understand why men become so indignant when they are rejected. In this era of casual sex, casual dress codes, casual governments and casual religions, I would assume that if one door closed, another would casually open. I was yet to taste the true seeds of ‘no, not now.’
It was said in a very casual and caring tone but as a woman, in that moment, I felt like a man. I made intimate advances at a well functioning male and he said, ‘No, not now’.
I need to point out that this issue is quite normal in marriages. It is also normal in relationships where sex is a regular dish at the table. It does not happen on the second date and when it does, your system shuts down.
Something is wrong with me. There goes my 25 year old brain wondering if I am a little too fat, or a little too fast, or a little too hungry. I promise you, I tried to sleep. I closed my eyes and I kept seeing myself being hit by a bus. The vision was complete with my family members mourning and screaming at my funeral. This brother had killed me.
The worst thing about being pretty is when you realise that people were just exaggerating about how hot you are. I took those complements to heart. I am not half as good in bed as I thought I was and my fellow ladies neither are you. It is just something that men say to keep you happy so stop wearing it like a hat. When you meet an honest man it will humble you so fast you won’t even know what hit you. Or maybe it’s just me.
There are days when Schatzi doesn’t want to play. He just sits on the grass and I rub his lower belly for a few minutes. We think about taking a crap but we are both too lazy to walk to our respective bathrooms so we hold shit in. Sometimes, people just don’t want to play. On those days, you both sit and rub each others stomachs. You might have a few things to say, a few things to deal with as individuals but you are too tired to listen or talk, so you hold shit in.
Those times when Schatzi and I lay on the ground tightening our asses and counting birds without making any sound, are the most precious. There is a publisher somewhere preparing to say, ‘No, not now’ to me. I am okay with that. I will come back home and count birds with Schatzi until one of us stops counting and says, ‘No, not now.’